So I had my first prenatal appointment and while I enjoyed the visit and still believe I have made a good choice it was not what I expected. For one, I find it much easier to open up on this blog than I do in person. I can't just speak out my fears and say I need support. That would be great and I am sure she would support me but I just can't make myself that vunerable. I am the type of personal that has to stay put together and strong at all times. Secondly, I think I need someone who is more available to be a friend and a support. Seeing someone once every 4 weeks is just not going to be enough to develop a deep relationship, especially in just 5 months.
Other than that, she is very different from my first midwife. She did not ask as many medical questions, didn't probe into every aspect of my life, and just seems to be interested in the basics. I am not saying this is good or bad but I guess I was expecting it to be more thoughout. It has got me thinking, though. When woman gave birth in the past, nature was just allowed to take its course. No asking questions to see if you fit into some prescribed box. No, just take care of yourself and the rest is pretty much out of your control. If things are normal you know it and you will say something if it is not. Relax. It is different and I am going to have to change my thinking but I think I just might like it.
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