Judgment?

There is a Bible verse that says "haste makes mistakes". Judgment falls into this. When we judge, we make the assumption that we are or will do things differently. In childbirth and parenting we usually judge before actually having first hands experience. We watch "A Baby Story" and say to ourselves "that will never be me". I will never be the woman screaming in pain, or I will never be the lady that births in a pool. I'll never have C-Section, or an epidural. I will do it natural; I will be in control. In parenting, we do the same thing. We have goods intentions by planning and believing, but often times our beliefs turn into ammunition for judging someone elses. It is only after we have had our butts tossed off our high horse that we find humility. To clarify, I am not saying to not have standards or make provisions. Do! Just be sure that yours don't become a weapon.  I personally have learned this lesson the hard easy, but I now have learned and choose to not live in the world of "elite" thinking. I now live in the world of knowledge with chose. My goal as a soon to be childbirth educator will be just that. Give people the knowledge but then give them the freedom from judgement to chose. Chose for themselves what is best or what just makes them more comfortable. Losing the judgment allows for you and others to make mistakes with out being shamed in the process.

The Birth Story of Aaron Avram

Aaron was finally here! After waiting 40 weeks and 2 days I couldn't believe that he was actually in my arms. Throughout pregnancy I knew a baby grew inside me but until that little bundle of joy was in my arms it just never seems that real to me. Getting to this place was a long road filled with struggles, doubts, and fears. Learning was a major goal and my desire was for a peaceful vaginal home birth after my first more traumatic c-section. I just knew this time would be different.

Well, it was different, but not in the way I expected and probably, if I am being honest with myself, not the ideal situation. I will say this before I give more details, though; every experience in life, whether good or bad, is a learning experiences use by God to strengthen us. I believe that I am being put through the fires of life's trials so that I can be purified into the preciousness my God desires of me.

My experience with Aaron's birth was 100x better than the first, but I hoped for a perfectly positive experience and I did not get exactly that.

I started feeling contractions at 7am on Sunday, June 3rd. They were not consistent and felt like menstrual cramps. I even doubted that I was actually in labor because they came so infrequently and felt so light. I stayed in bed for a few minutes and then decided to go ahead and get up and dressed. My son was still asleep and my husband was at work. I did my morning bible study and ate breakfast. The contractions still were not coming very consistently and I now thought for sure that I was mistaken.

But, over the next hour they started to shape up into a normal pattern at about 5 minutes apart. I went ahead and called my midwife and doula just to let them know that I was in labor so they could organize their day. I also called my sister but did not want anyone over until things were much further along. When my husband called a little while later from work I also informed him but told him to stay at work but keep calling every half hour. I really just wanted to be alone and take things slow.

My son woke up around 9am so I got him in front of the TV and got him some breakfast. He was happy to sit and did not bother me much so I could focus on my contractions. Around 10am I started to pace back and forth in the kitchen during contractions but they were still manageable on my own. About an hour later I started using the birth ball and just lay over it and sway back and forth. My sister arrived at noon and played with my son and started getting things around the apartment prepared. I decided that I wanted my husband to come home and my doula to head over shortly after. My husband was planning on doing some activities with my son so neither had to be too involved (which we both agreed on). Contractions starting coming a little closer together and more intensely. I decided to get into our garden tub and was much happier when I did. I rhythmically pours water over my stomach and was managing well.

My doula arrived around 1pm and just sat with me by the tub. We talked in between contractions and I tried my best to stay in the moment when I was not having a contraction. This went on for a while longer but then my contractions really started to pick up. My husband finally arrived at home and he sat beside the tub and we talked for a while.

Again, contractions started to change. I had to start swaying my hips to cope. This went from sway my hip on my back, to moving my whole body on my hand and knees. My sister and husband and been setting up the birth pool in the living room but I wanted to save moving until I couldn't take it any longer in the tub. I decided it was time to call my midwifes and shortly after that they both arrived. Everyone (except my husband and son) gathered in the bathroom and closest and talked, monitored the baby, and wrote down stats.

I finally decided it was time to move to the pool. I was afraid that it would not be warm enough or would be a let down in some way but what a great resource it was. It was soft and cushy, big and the water was hot. A few times someone did have to add more hot water to keep the temperature up but it was not often and not difficult.

I tried a lot of different things in the pool. I started on my back and just sway my hips and legs loosely in the water. I turned at one point and rested over the edge of the pool wall. I occasionally got support from helping hands to allow me to let go and just relax my body. The contractions were very intense at this point and I had to groan louder and louder to relieve the stress building up in my body. The moans and groans are not as much about pain but more a way of coping and focusing energy in another way. To an outsider I could imagine I sounded in a lot of pain (and I was) but the groaning was a release and not a cry for help.

This is where things start to get weird. I started to feel pressure and believed it was time to start pushing. I gentle started to bear down with contractions but still continued to be vocal. Eventually my pushes became more concentrated and I kept quiet. I kept asking my midwife if I was doing it right and expressed my wish for continual reassurance. She said I was doing fine and thought that my water had broken, though I did not feel anything. After a while with no change I started getting scared. I asked my midwife to check me and she said that I was only 8 cm and my water was still intact. I was really upset and started to panic. I had a fear that this process would never end. I stopped pushing and tried to get back into a rhythm of dealing with contractions but my head was not in it. I started getting frustrated with nothing working anymore. I believe this is because the relief of pushing is so great that when you are forced to go back to not pushing and letting the contractions come over you again, it now seems too much to bear.

My sister convinced me to get out of the tub and stand with contractions in hopes that it might speed things up. I reluctantly did this and swayed a few contraction with my doula all the while crying and saying I was done. Everyone was trying to encourage me and calm me down but my brain was no longer accepting rational though processes. I had entered into full panic mode.

My midwife insisted I lay down and rest which just seemed like an horrible idea since I knew that the contractions would be worse lying down but I finally moved to the bed. I was so unhappy and could not relax or find relief. She reluctantly offered to break my water to see if that would speed things along but I was scared of the increased pain. At this point my sister asked everyone to leave us alone and she was able to talk me into trying this as a last resort.

Heather came back in and ruptured my membranes (which were clear) and I decided to get into the bathtub again. This did not work as I had hoped. I was wanting fresh hot water to soak in but the hardness of the tub in comparison to the pool and the small area did not give me comfort and again I found myself frustrated and wanting to be done with the pain. I began to beg for the hospital in hopes of pain management because the urge to push was overwhelming. The transfer request was also born out of the fear that if I did not stop pushing soon, I would end up in the same situation as last time. My thought process was that the sooner I got an epidural and stopped pushing the better chance I had for a vaginal delivery.  

Although I know they wanted me to stay, everyone agreed and made arrangement for me to be transferred into the care of Dr. Jennifer Meadows at Cedar Park Regional Medical Center right across the street. Dr. Meadows agreed to give me a fair trial for a VBAC and not rush to c-section unless necessary.

My sister, myself and Heather loaded into my car and Ruth followed in her vehicle. My husband followed a few minutes later. Moment later (and after running a red light at my insistence) we arrived at the hospital.

As with my first experience, relief was not quick. I registered at the front desk, was taken to my room. An IV was started, blood drawn (both which caused huge bruises that lasted weeks) and a monitor was put on. I asked for IV pain medicine as soon as I could get it. I did get something after being at the hospital for about 20 minutes but this just made me sleepy but did nothing for the pain. I was having trouble not pushing and stilled feared a repeat of my last birth. The nurse checked me and said I was still 8cm and my cervix was swelling from the pressure.

The doctor had not arrived and I was not going to be given an epidural until half of a very large bag of IV fluid was given. The bag was draining slow and I just kept staring at it hoping it would empty quicker. I kept pleading for the epidural but was just reminded that only after the bag was half empty and the doctor arrived to check me.

Finally the doctor arrived and after she got settled in, she examined me and said that I could start pushing. I was shocked! I was expecting to go on in labor for hours and here she was telling me that I finally had permission to push (while for the last 45 minutes I had been told not to).

My legs went up and back and I gave my first push. I was told to stop as the baby was coming down fast. The doctor put a plastic bag under me to catch the fluid (etc.) and got ready herself. I pushed for about 3 contractions and Aaron was born. The pain was not much and the relief was great. I was so happy it was over and so relieved to not have had a repeat c-section.

I held my baby but could not get a good look because i was still flat on my back. I had a small tear in my perineum so the doctor started the process of repair. This took another 20 to 30 minutes. During this time, after I had held Aaron for a few minutes, they weighted him and cleaned him up a few feet away.

Finally I was done and was able to hold Aaron in a better position. I nursed him for a few minutes before he fell asleep and everyone said their goodbyes and slowly but surely headed home. My sister stayed until I was transferred into my permanent room (I had sent my husband home since our son was still there sleeping and being watched by our other midwife, Sandra, and then my brother in law.) I spent my first night in the hospital alone with just my new baby boy and I liked it. It was quiet and I could rest and look at my son without interruption.

This was to be my only good night in the hospital as the pain of childbirth kicked in the next morning. I was not prepared for the pain of swelling and stitches and a myriad of other postpartum woes. My mother came to stay with me for the duration of my stay, and I could not have done it without her. She took care of me and my baby. My husband had to stay home to tend to our other son but came by twice a day to visit.

Aaron ended up needing photo therapy treatment for jaundice (not sure if it was entirely necessary, but who knows) which my first son also needed. We stayed until Thursday and finally he was released. We headed home and no place was more desired. I was at least with my family again and could start the process of recovery and our new life as a family of four.



Looking back, my experience, while not ideal, was still worth it and just like my first experience, the lessons learned are worth the pain. I cannot wish it had been different because I know in all things God is in control and He sees things we do not. I am blessed to have been able to experience the natural vaginal birth I wanted and to have a wonderful group of people to support me from beginning to end.

The power or support is immeasurable so my wish is to be able to be that support for others in the future and encourage others to be supportive of birthing woman in their experience of having babies.

The Goal

I have learned a lot over the last 9 months. At the end of the day as I sit here writing, the biggest lesson I am taking away from this experience is this:

IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT THE BIRTH!!!

That being said, I did have a good birth experience, but even with a perfect one, I forgot about the end.

MY SON!!!

I can't express enought about this lesson. Whether I had a c-section or a VBAC, time passes and the memory fades. What doesn't fade is the child you have brought into this world.

I sit here with my newborn son resting at my leg and the memory of the 45 minute dance marathon my older son preformed for us before his bedtime and I can't help but just smile. Smile for the joy of children. My children. God is so good to provide us with such an example of His love for us. As parents we get so much joy is seeing our children grow and flourish. They get stronger and smarted day by day and the love that you give them manifest itself into pleasure for you to enjoy. I don't love Josiah less because he was born via c-section nor do I love Aaron more because he was born naturally.

My point is this:

Children are the goal of birth, not birth.

That being said, I still believe in trying to achieve a wonderful birth experience and I am so excited for my future as I prepare to become a childbirth educator. This lesson will just help me to help others remain focused on keeping the main thing the main thing.

Aaron is Here

Born on June 3rd at 8:57pm

Weighted 7lbs 11oz

20.5" in length

Home Birth Supplies

So as I am getting closer to my due date I am making my preparations for my home birth. I have started to accumulate things, starting with the most crucial. I still have a few holes to fill in but here is the list I have accumulated.

1. The Medical Birth Kit - This has all kind of stuff like sterile gloves, pads, chux, etc. This is put together by my Midwife and ordered from a local birth supplies company called "In His Hands". (BTW, this company is run by a sweet little family and does a wonderful job at getting your birth kit to you in a hurry).

2. Birth Pool (Optional) - I did not have a pool last time and enjoyed the water in my garden tub. My midwife has one for her homebirths so I am taking advantage of it. You will need a hose to hook up to your hot water (from water heater or laundry room) and a liner (for sanitary purposes).

3. High gauge plastic drop cloths for carpeted areas and for under the pool.

4. Plastic sheets and pillow cases - I got the ones with zippers that slip over the whole mattress.

5. Back massages - I have a manual one and an electronic one

6. Fetal Doppler (optional as your midwife will have her own) - I bought this at the beginning of my pregnancy and used it a lot from 10 weeks to about 20 weeks. After that you can feel the baby move so you don't need it as much. I like to have this available in early labor before the midwife comes so you can always check fetal heart tones yourself. Note: Renting is a waste of money. Buy this one, it works perfect.

7. Extra bed sheets - flat, fitted, and pillow cases. Some for the birth and some for afterwards. Ones you don't mind getting messed up.

8. Lots of towels (both bath towels and hand towels) - I got some bright pink ones at wal-mart during the back to school time for college students. They are really cheap sets. You could also go to goodwill. Do not use good towels.

9. Scented candles - a scent that is associated with relaxation and good memories.

10. Floor fan in case you get hot

11. Floor heater in case you get cold

12. Heating pad for labor and perineal support

13. Cooling pack for labor and perineal comfort at the birth

14. Big bowl for placenta

15. Bowl or trash can for nausea

16. Camera (of course) - Make sure to have enough space (extra SD cards) and extra batteries

17. Baby supplies (of course) - Cloths, diapers, hats, socks

18. 6 to 8 receiving blankets

19. Chap stick

20. Snack and juice - Nothing too heavy or too acidic. I have some Emergen-C which is helpful during a long labor.

21. Hydrogen Peroxide to remove blood stains
22. Trash bags

Some midwives will want you to sterilize all your sheets and towels but I find this unnecessary as your home is not a sterile environment and as long as your stuff in newly washed, I can't see the harm.

This is not an exhastive list and somethings may still be needed and others not used at all but it is a good starting point.

35 Weeks 5 Days

Chiropractic Benefits During Pregnancy

So after my first attempt to push out my son I heard a loud pop and my midwife said I had de-fused my tailbone. This ended up being more painful postpartum than my c-section scar. I took months of regular chiropractic care to even be about to sit down without pain.

This time I am being proactive. I just started seeing a new chiropractor to start regular adjustment leading up to my delivery. He has said that my tailbone is a little out of alignment and he will work at getting it into an optimal position for birth during the next few week.

My insurance pays for most of my care but it is still costly to see someone 6 to 10 times over only a few weeks. With at said, it is something I would recommend to every mom to be (regardless of how many kids you have had). The less issues you have after you push out that baby, the better.

Here is a little basic information I got from another website about the benefits of chiropractic care during pregnancy:

Chiropractic care during pregnancy maintains, and can even improve, balance and alignment in your spine and pelvis. This can help your baby assume his/her optimal birthing position and reduce the risk of having a breech baby. Regular chiropractic care can also provide a more comfortable pregnancy and delivery for both mother and baby. It stimulates the nervous system to enable proper functioning of your reproductive organs, thus supporting the needs of your baby throughout pregnancy and during delivery.

The Webster Technique is a specific chiropractic adjustment for pregnant mothers. It reduces interference to the nervous system and helps balance the pelvis, muscles and ligaments. The Webster Technique is successful in relieving intrauterine constraint and allows the fetus to move freely. It can prevent, and even convert, breech birthing positions. The Webster Technique should be started as soon as you find out your baby is in the breech position. Baby’s can flip as late as 39 weeks, but anytime after 35 weeks the chances for success are reduced due to limited mobility in the womb.

My new chiropractor came recommended by my midwife and he and his wife work a lot with pregnant woman. Their website is below:

http://www.drsgoodwinchiro.com/

New Doula - Yay!

I hired a new doula today. Her name is Ruth Phy and she is super sweet and very considerate. She is touchy-feely and seems very well grounded in her faith. She is a mother of two and knows all too well the trauma of birth and c-section. I know she will be a great support for me during the rest of my pregnancy and birth and I am super excited to be adding her to my now complete team.

You can check out her website at http://www.doularuth.com/index.html

to learn more about her. She also teaches potty training which I will be inters in having her come out for once life has settled into a routine after baby Aaron comes. And she makes/sells these really cute slings/wraps.

We talked for hours and she is a really good listener. I think having her as a voice for me will ensure that whatever happens in labor that my wishes will be heard.

Looking for a new doula

So I am almost 34 weeks and I am now on the search for a new doula. While I loved my first choice in Emily, she had to step down for personal reasons. I know that God is good and in control so I truly believe this is happening for a reason. I am going to interview a new doula that seems like she would be a great fit for me (recommended by my previous doula) sometime this week. I am excited about the prospect and look forward to getting this taken care of. I have a home visit with my midwife on May 8th so I hope to have someone lined up by then so they can attend this visit.

With that, I am very excited to have my midwife visit my home. This did not happen last time and I did not even know that it was common. I love showing off where I live (even if it is an apartment) and having people see all the work I put into making my families abode a home. I am also excited for her to see and hear my plans for my birth and where things will be happening.

I was talking to my sister recently about my last visit with my midwife and my birth plan (which I posted a few post back) and she admitted to me that she felt like my first attempt at a home birth was way to familiar to her births at the hospital (she has had 4 hospital births). She said there was too much intervention, too many exams, not very much personal attention, and not what she expected. She too has watched "The Business of Being Born" and other natural home birth videos and felt like it was supposed to be this peaceful, supportive, touchy-feely atmosphere (me too, BTW). We were both greatly disappointed. I pray that this time both of us will see more of what we expect a home birth to look like. I feel like going forward with hiring a new doula is a good way to help this prayer be answered.

35 Weeks

Birth Plan

Now that I am getting a little further in my pregnancy I decided I wanted to write down some things that I would like to have as part of my birth plan. I know that birth cannot be "planned" but I also know from experience that not having a plan doesn't always work out either.

These are in no particular order:

• Leave my husband sleeping or undisturbed for as long as I can help it (this is because I think that once you have attention on you, you are more likely to "perform")
• Call my midwife and doula once I start having active contractions but advise them not to hurry unless I feel I need them sooner. (this is because once my midwife arrived last time I felt pressure and less at ease)
• Call my sister early so she has plenty of time to prepare for childcare
• Refuse having my water broken unless medically necessary
• Avoid exams unless medically necessary (obviously for lower risk of infection in the case of my water being broken, but also so I do not focus on how far I have come or have to go)
• Stay active as long as possible throughout early labor unless at night
• Take regular outside moment (as this allows your mind to remember that life still goes one as normal for the rest of the world. I do this when I watch tense movies like "I AM Legend", as well. LOL)
• Take moment to focus on my unborn baby as this process is not just happening to me but to him as well.
• When the pain gets to much to handle, turn all my focus on Jesus and what he endured for me on the cross.
• I do NOT consent to erythromycin or other medication in baby’s eyes
• I will decide after birth whether to administer vitamin K
• The umbilical cord should remain unclamped and uncut until pulsing stops or is medically necessary.

I might add more as time goes by.

Remembering Why I Am Doing This

So I love watching "A Baby Story" and "Baby's First Day" and sometimes I see the woman who choose to get pain management drugs and they are so calm and enjoying every second like it was just any other day and I think to myself, "Why am I doing this again?". Then I remember the complications of drugs and putting me and my baby int he hands of a doctor who is most likely taught there is no connection between problems in labor and drugs. I see over and over again on these shows when inductions go wrong, when a "routine" epidural causes decelerating, when Cytotec is used without care of the horrific risks to the mother and baby. I also see the occasional "all natural" birth. There is usually a point when the mom to be just feels like she can't do it. I just love the moment when that baby comes out and she forgets everything and is just in ecstasy over what she has been given and what she has accomplished. I know that will probably not be very helpful in the heat of labor but I do know that when that baby is put on my chest, I will know that it was worth all the pain. I just can't wait!

My second set of lab results are in.

My midwife called this afternoon and said my fasting glucose level was 72. The range is suppose to be in between 70 and 100 so I am on the low side, which is great news.

Gestational Diabetes Scare

So this last week I went to my midwife for a normal appointment which happen to include my third trimester glucose tolerance test. In case so of you don't know what this is, it is when your blood is tested fasting and one to three times after you either drink a glucose solution or eat a sugary breakfast. Both this midwife and my first did not require the glucose solution as most doctors do but instead opted for the breakfast.

I went in to have my finger pricked and tested with a hand held glucose monitor. My number came back at 90 which is within range (70-100). I went out to breakfast then came back for my appointment and blood draw. The midwife drew my blood and also tested with the instant hand held tester. My number came back on the monitor at 156. The number should be under 140. My midwife was concerned so she sent me home with the monitor and instructions to track my diet and test periodically until my next appointment.

Now it is important to mention that I was shocked. My diet is 90% gluten free, low sugar, no sodas, lots of water, plenty of variety including meat, fruits, veggies, carbs, etc. I am well within my normal weight range for my height and have not gained but 15lbs so far this pregnancy.

I came home and started charting and testing. My numbers were high when I expected them to be low and low when I expected them to be high. My husband suggested taking multiple readings at one time so I did. I took 3 reads with numbers of 136, 59, & 91. I called my midwife and she said to come in on Monday to do another blood draw as the monitor must be loopy. She did and while my lab results have not come back she did look at the first results (from after I ate breakfast when my instant read was 156) and the real number from the lab was 126. Within the normal range. The first finger prick I did when fasting was done on a different instant monitor than the one used for my second reading and sent home with me. I expect my labs to come back normal.

All this lead to a stressful week thinking that I had GD,  and my baby was in danger (plus an arm and fingers full of marks), all the while it was a bad monitor/test strips.

So glad that is over with and both me and my baby are healthy and can continue to eat as normal.

Hey... we all need a good simple read sometimes.

I just thought I would through out this random book that I am reading for the 3rd time (twice during my first pregnancy). Baby Catcher: Chronicles of a Modern Midwife by Peggy Vincent is a great book to read during pregnancy or whenever. It is super well written, informative, and encouraging without being a "how to" book which I currently fill my time with. It is nice to put down some of my more directive or instructional books and end the night of reading with this one because it is no fuss. You can enjoy the book almost from a fictional standpoint and just enjoy Peggy's great story telling ability. From her earlier years to the end of her career this book has kept me coming back for more.

Got myself a Doula

Today I met with a wonderful young woman named Emily Johnson who is a part-time doula. While she hasn't been working as a doula for a long time I feel that her desire to serve woman and obvious ability to reach outside herself will make her a wonder addition to any one's special day. I am super excited about her after our visit and I know she will add great value to my labor and delivery. She is Christian with similar beliefs (which I feel is important) and seems super cool, too. We are planning to meet again as I draw closer to Aaron's birthday and I am just excited knowing that by building a supportive team to be with me during this time I am that much closer to a easy, drama free birth.

http://doulaemily.blogspot.com/

If only American Doctors Would Care This Much

2 New Book Recommendations

I can't seem to get enough of this stuff. I am reading two different books right now.

The first, which has quite a bit of midwife technique in it is The Labor Progress Handbook: Early Interventions to Prevent and Treat Dystocia. It details different stages of labor and what can possible be the cause of slow progress in that stage. This is really more for that mother that is looking for more than the normal natural birth books offer. It is not for a mother who wants a casual read with lots of stories. This doesn't have any stories in it.

The second book is Artemis Speaks: V.B.A.C. Stories & Natural Childbirth Information. This book was recommended by my midwife's partner and while it is a little out of day (written in 1983) it is full of super information about natural birth, VBACs, and tons of VBAC stories (both in the hospital and at home). She is a real feminist so there is a couple of chapters that make me uncomfortable and some wording used that I would not use but overall it is a good read.

23 Weeks

Amniotomy - Why it should be avoided.

So I know many of us have seen in the movies that the first sign of a woman in labor is her "water" will break. In reality, it happens less than 15% of the time. So that means that you are more likely to have your water break sometime during early or active labor. Now the question begs, "Should the "water" be artificially broken by your provide?"

My opinion is no, if there is not medical reason for it (i.e. if the baby is already in fetal distress). The risk of an amniotomy far out weight any benefits, according to studies. The main reason practitioners perform this procedure is to "speed things up" but in reality this is not guaranteed and if it does, not significantly.

On the other hand the risk include:

• Increased chance of cord prolapse. When the cord drops down below the baby and is squeezed between babies head and cervix.
• Increased chance of cord compression. When the cord is squeezed by the babies body with the uterus.
• Increase chance of infection.
• Increased risk of Cesarean section.
• Increased risk of fetal distressed. Caused by the cushion around the baby being gone therefore the baby takes a much harder hit during contractions.
• If the baby is not already in the "right" position, lack of fluid prohibits proper placement.

Obviously these risk can happen whether or not the rupture of the membrane is artificial or spontaneous but more likely when you have a spontaneous rupture it is happening at the appropriate time for your body and baby, not when your practitioner says is a good time.

Speeding up labor should not be seen as a necessity (unless for medical reasons) and you should trust that your body will work things out in the right time. Letting nature take its course is usually the best option.

How much is my responsibility?

How much is my responsibility? This question has been one that reoccurs in my mind from time to time during this pregnancy. During my pregnancy and birth of my first son I did not take much responsibility on myself but relied heavily on what others said and rested in their training and/or knowledge.

For instance, my midwife choice. I did no research on her other than a short interview but made the decision almost exclusively because she was recommended my my sisters friend who had delivered with her a few times. While this is great, I did not take into account what really makes a good midwife and good fit for you. She could be to blunt instead of kind, rely to heavily on test and less on intuition, hold alternative world views (especially in religion) rather than have commonality. All these things make a big impact on whether a successful relationship will take place between yourself and your practitioner. I took these things for granted the first time around. I recall even telling my husband midway through my pregnancy that "while I know my midwife is very experienced I will not use her again as we just don't mesh". I felt obligated to stay with her as I had already paid her in full up front.

Another example of this reliance was in the way of knowledge. I held no real knowledge about a plan for a successful birth or how to labor efficiently, or how to handle complications. I just assumed that I just had to have the contractions and push and the midwife would do everything else. I did not take into account that I am by far the best judge as everything is happening to me and I don't have to explain. Obviously I believe that a midwife's knowledge should be there to encourage and even correct but this should be only needed when you either are out of your depth (i.e. less common complications) or your emotions are getting the better of you and you need a stabilizing figure.

This time around I am taking more on my shoulders and it feels empowering. First, in my selection of my midwife I took my time. I researched and I let my intuition and the Lord lead me to my choice. I picked someone with far less experience but much better suited to my personality. I knew that she, like most midwifes, would give me the "right" answers to my list of questions so instead of talked more in conversation that in interview style and feel I learned a lot more this way.  In regards to knowledge, I am reading and talking with others as much as possible. I am reading the basics and the not so basic. From "Heart and Hands: A Midwife's Guide to Pregnancy and Birth" which is a basic guide to midwifery and natural birth, to "The Labor Progress Handbook: Early Interventions to Prevent and Treat Dystocia" which is a much more descriptive book on labor complications. Both I highly recommend. I am reading other blogs and books that give be both knowledge and encouragement. I process this information and store it away for hopefully what turns out to be a pretty uneventful birth.

My overall point is that I want to make sure that I don't just point the finger in blame on others (midwifes and/or doctors) while realizing that we are somewhat in control. This information may make no difference at the end of the day when something just comes to steal away that ideal birth, but it more likely that not will make a difference. Of course, experience sometimes just has to happen to learn these lessons, as in my case, but if you don't want to chance it, take responsibility for yourself.

It's A Healthy Boy

Due Date Ticker

Newest Book I Have Started Reading

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin. I got this book in yesterday and skipped over Active Birth for a few nights to start reading it. I really like the way she comes across. Quite honestly I expected her to be really pushy and unapproachable because of her fame and experience. Not so... so far. She seems to genuinely care about woman and childbirth. I also like the way it is set up. It gives the reader a little story time, the essentials of birth, and other useful information. It is not just a one note book.

With that being said, I also feel that a lot of these natural childbirth books put birth up on a pedestal and make it sound like it affects every aspect of a woman's life. I believe birth is important, moving, inspiring, and even life affirming but I also think that the actual mothering, being a wife, having faith, serving others, and even daily interaction cannot be pushed a side as we delve into learning more about this process. When I was pregnant with my first son I got sucked into this world where little else mattered. I ate, drank, and slept my upcoming birth. I put so much importance of this one day and dedicated much less time to what motherhood would be like or even remember to live in the present as well. This time around I think I have a more balanced view. Again, I am spending a lot of my time thinking and reading about birth but I also have the joy of thinking about more. I am happily anticipating a wonderful birth with this child, but I am also no so focused on the birth being the end of the story. No... it is only the beginning.

Anterior Cervical Lip - Beware

So this is what happen to me during my first birth. If I knew what I know now I would not have ended up with a c-section, I am sure of it.

I had an anterior cervical lip at 9 1/2 cm (see first two pictures below). My midwife told me to push and the baby's head would most likely move it out of the way. This did not happen but instead my cervix swell, I couldn't stop pushing, and we transferred to the hospital.

What should have happen is that my midwife should have instructed me to get into the knee chest position and hold there for a few contractions until the lip dilated (see last picture). According to Janet Balaskas in Active Birth this would usually happen is just a few contractions. This position would also have been helpful to assist me in stopping pushing as the baby's head is pulled away from your cervix causing less pressure.

Sorry to say, this just makes me so frustrated.